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桃地再不斬—— Serve Me Well Blended
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8th-Oct-2006 02:58 pm - KONOHA MART New Employees!
Last Time

Thanks for all of you who have applied! After grueling hours of decition (and many shurikens in the wall), these are the following subjects who have made into our fine comporation:

Rock Lee- Taijutsu Specialist Clerk
Deidara- Summons Specialist Clerk
Hoshigaki Kisame- Supervising Assistant Manager

However, we never stop hiring! Some of our employees might dieleave, so you can be sure possitions will be opening soon.

We are still looking for another Supervising Assistant Manager. Please inquire inside the store, or contact me in person.

Momochi Zabuza
KONOHAGAKURE Prefecture General Manager


Welcome to KONOHA MART. As a new employee, you are entitled to a host of benefits. Free uniforms, free meals, free health care (expect to use that a lot) and a free handbook. That's why we're providing you with this Honorable Employee Handbook, your guide to the ins, outs, ups and downs of KONOHA MART. You'll learn to Sell, Clean, Drive, Fight and above all else what it takes to be a KONOHA MART employee. 

This Handbook includes:

  • KONOHA MART History

  • Message To New Employees

  • Nondisclosure Agreement

  • Equal Opportunity Employer

You WILL discover the KONOHA MART Honorable Employee Handbook, or you will DIE!!! Here's some of what's inside:


KONOHA MART was founded somewere near the 1st Ninja War, and soon became the world's predominant undergound shinobi-run superstore. We would be happy to tell you more about the company, but since we're ninja, we would then have to kill you.

KONOHA MART's customer list is quite impressive, although since we respect the privacy of our clientele we cannot release any names. However, we can say that our customers include many powerful, respected, influential and important peopleDaimyo/Sannin/Nukenin/Kage. No questions asked.

Message to New Employees

You are about to embark on the career of a lifetime. Never again will you work in a more thrilling, exciting, fast-paced, challenging career field. Seriously. Because if you attempt to work somewhere else after this, you will be hunted down and killed.

There is no I in TEAM but there is an i in Ninja, as well as a j which is sort of like an i with a curvy bottom. However there are definitely no i's in KONOHA MART, which is how we like to keep it, especially since the problem we had that one time with the Mizukage.

The purpose of the KONOHA MART Employee Manual is to provide our personnel with a reference to KONOHA MART policies and regulations. All employees will be expected to adhere to the guidelines laid out herein. Failure to adhere to these rules and regulations will result in the ninja in question adhering to the bottom of a deep lake/scorching sand/frigid iceberg/poisonous leaves.

Much of the information within has been condensed from other procedure manuals, secret government code, ancient tomes and treatises, scrolls written on vellum, oral tradition and random crazy thoughts that have passed through the idle mind of our meditating shinobi masters. This manual is not intended to replace those documents, and all ninja employees are expected to be aware of all those too. Expect pop quizzes in between shifts.

Questions about how to interpret the policies within should be directed to your shift manager or the highest ranking ninja on duty within your franchise, to include your shift lead. If no superior is available, act as your ninja skills suggest. If you're wrong, of course, you'll have to commit seppuku/harakiri, but that's not our problem is it?

Nondisclosure Agreement

As a KONOHA MART employee, you are to keep confidential all information related to the operation of KONOHA MART, including but not limited to: KONOHA MART stock, delivery routes, customer lists, operational procedures, sales figures, technological secrets, secret handshakes, and other trade secrets. You are also required to keep confidential your involvement as a KONOHA MART employee. Should you reveal any unathorized information about KONOHA MART (including your identity) to any non-KONOHA MART

employee, you will be immediately terminated. And we don't mean fired.

While some companies require you to sign a form stating you will not betray them, KONOHA MART employs a much simpler system: if you betray the company, your co-workers will hunt you down.

Equal Opportunity Employer

KONOHA MART is an equal opportunity employer. All company policies will be implemented without regard to age, height, weight, race, creed, color, national origin, Bingo Book status, religion, gender, sexual preference, marital status, ancestry, gender identity, precieved gender identity, 'youthful' tendencies, 'kekkei genkai', pregnancy, physical or mental disability, medical condition, citizenship, status as a Nukenin or political/national affiliation, with the following exceptions:

  • Samurai (bastards)

  • Pirates (obvious)

  • Mizukage (we hate you)

  • Spies (duh)

Anyone who fits any (or all) of the above criteria will not be permitted to work for KONOHA MART and will be terminated on sight.

As masters of the ancient art of selling, we guarantee that all our customers are happy. In fact, there is no such thing as an unhappy customer. We mean that. If you made a customer unhappy, we will be happy to send our Prefecture General Manager to speak with said customer about what is making them unhappy. And then the employee and prefecture manager will be happy. Or else you (employee) will not be. Alive, that is.


Momochi Zabuza
KONOHAGAKURE Prefecture General Manager

30th-Aug-2006 03:29 pm(no subject)
My short hiatus was due thanks to Konoha Mart's many diplomatic issues. And the fact that Tayuya runs the store like crap.

I had to make a quick travel to the Land Of Bears, since one of our main contributors and CEOs resides there. I hope the ANBU replacement was sufficient enough, Lord Kazekage.

If any of you know me, I hate wearing suits; I feel like a penguin, or worse, a farmed Sound Emo Boy. It's the hair, I swear. Anyways, I had to wear a tux vest and nice dress pants and shoes. Oh joy.

Anyways, Konoha Mart's sales have gone 10% up since my management, and that earned me a nice raise. Even though I do not do shit Konoha Mart is still the best store in the Land Of Fire.

Also, we are looking for more abled clerks, since the former ones had an incident with the 'Book Section' Damn you Icha Icha. All we require is a Proof Of Residency (Headband will do), a Physical (Because we want to know if you can take 20 shurikens in the back), and a Good Youthful (No, not you Gai) Attitude.

Pay is about 1000 a month, and we are flexible regarding missions.

Konoha Shinobi Safety Workplace Regulations do apply. However, we are not responsible for unsatisfied customers sending Hunter nin after you.
19th-Aug-2006 09:55 am(no subject)
Why do people think that I wear cow leg and armwarmers?

Yeah, that's right; it looks great with a Cowboy Hat.

Kakashi took over my room. o.O; I guess I'll set myself up in the Guest Room.

The Hatake Residence is so filled with traps, it's a freaking pain to go get Kakashi's stuff. Stupid Sakumo...
17th-Aug-2006 04:46 pm - Some Well Deserved Free Time
ANBU noticed that I had not slept for a long time (a week to be exact). So, to optimize my performance as the Kazakage's bodyguard, I was forced on a Mandatory Free Day. ANBU took care of Kazekage-same by temporarily assigning another Jounin, and I was left to do as I pleased.

Sadly, I do not know much about Konoha. Tayuya was no help, because she also just transfered from a foreign village *coughsoundcough*. I barely know any Jounin in this village, so I almost gave up.


16th-Aug-2006 02:18 pm - Chuunin/Jouni Exam...PASSED.


Am I a loose cannon? Probably.

Konoha, I am just taking this test so you will stop pestering.

To be honest, I really do not care either way. Missing Nin or Village-Affiliated; does it matter? We are tools nevertheless.

Highest payer gets my services, I guess.
15th-Aug-2006 10:05 am - Oh Great, Just Great
Konoha will not cease to amaze me.

Ends up, my credentials as a Hidden Mist nin are not valid in this lovely village. So, I was just informed by ANBU and Testing Officials that I, Momochi Zabuza, must...


Now, do I qualify? Please, I really do not want to fill those long, boring N-5 Forms...
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